Monday, May 22, 2006

Beautiful Things

I need to admit it. I live in a bubble. A bubble of beautiful things. If I'd allow anyone into my bubble, here's what they would experience:

Vivaldi in the CD Player
A soft glow of at least ten candles - my altar to heaven.
The scent of moist soil from the potted plants - my altar to earth.
Shelves of books - old and new - my altar to knowledge and expansion.
Pictures of family - my altar of what is most precious to me.

Outside of my bubble, I try to maintain the same eye for beauty but it is hard. It is hard when I see people living as robots and not seeking enlightenment in any form. I see mean people who force their views and opinions on unwilling listeners. I see people putting others down so they can be seen in a better light. I see suffering be it physical, mental or spiritual. I see stone-cold eyes pleading for forgivess or redemption - from the one they've wrong, but mostly from themselves or the Creator.

I can feel evil in people, a chill when I'm next to them, a sudden shiver as they pass by. I can see it too - the colors - oil-slick brown/black emanating from their bodies like a polluted aura.

Sometimes I'd rather just stay in my bubble, my safe space, my santuary. It's too scary on the outside.

Tuesday, April 18, 2006

A Shadow

A part of me went missing. I cannot determine which part or where I can find it. An overwhelming sense of loss, foreboding and sadness looms over me like a dark cloud. I cannot find the source of these feelings - only that every hair on my body is on end from some unseen negative energy.

Is this a premonition? I've never had one so strong. My dreams are of theft and loss, of evil strangers helping themselves to what I have.

I drew a card: Pentacles Two - Bad luck through lack of balance; lack of fantasy; worries, instability, wavering, drifting - without purpose.

I must find a way to get back the balance and have purpose. But how?

I have "alot on my plate" to use the cliche' but nothing I haven't been able to handle in the past. I need to shake this.

Sophia

Thursday, March 30, 2006

The Resurrection

You don't get to choose how you're going to die; or when. You can only decide how you're going to live; NOW. - Joan Baez -

I've become someone I really don't like. I don't know how it happened or exactly how long the evolution took for me to turn into some lazy slob. I fill myself with unhealthy foods, I've gained ten pounds over the winter, I refuse to return to the gym and I'm lazy spiritually.

Funny, I just got my professional life settled and WHAM! I look in the mirror and see that I'm sick. Me, the woman who preaches moderation in everything has turned into someone who enjoys excess - of the bad stuff.

I knew my balances, how the mental, physical and the spiritual all meshed together to make me the woman I am. But like an empty gas tank, I feel drained of fuel. And I'm tired of it.

When I first started this blog, I had a vision of Sophia as:

1. Someone who is kind
2. Someone who helps others and asks nothing in return
3. Someone who is at peace with the world
4. Someone who is not obsessed with personal beauty but takes time to stay healthy and look decent.

Boy have I let myself down. It's time to get busy!

Wednesday, January 25, 2006

Stalled

I've been stalled . . . with this blog . . . with the day to day . . . and floundering through my life path. I'm not who I want to be, and the disappointment and frustration has taken it's toll.

I did my part. I created a worthy end product but alas, the gatekeepers will not allow me to pass to the next level. Not yet anyway.

But questions and doubt still wander inside my head despite the gatekeepers own statements: "you're good but not quite good enough."

Did I work hard enough? Is my work the best it can be? Have I done all I can to earn the accolades I so desire? Is there more I can do?

I firmly believe I pursued all available avenues for this one and so it is on to the next one. I shall not give up.

Sophia

Friday, September 23, 2005

Autumn Brings Clarity

The crispness of the autumn air is such a welcome change to the sticky humid days of summer I've endured for too long. Although the temperatures are still very warm, I know change is coming.

It is odd - as the earth turns dormant I am refreshed and energized. I have purpose and clarity and I've achieved a few personal goals. I have renewed energy and a feeling that something great is on MY horizon.

Sophia

Thursday, September 08, 2005

Reflection and Time Away

There are certain aspects of this world where humans have no control. Oh, they think they do but they don't. I am no exception. I have no control over the weather, traffic, amount of taxes I pay and especially I have no control over others.

But on the other side of this I must realize that I am also un-controllable - but only if I choose to be. Becoming un-controllable isn't easy especially for someone like me to was raised to listen and be obedient. Sure, I went through stages where I was less-controlllable but I could be reined in by authority. Is being un-controllable a goal in which I should strive? Maybe - maybe not, but what is the alternative? Perhaps there is a happy medium somewhere.

I'll be taking a break for a week or so and during this time I will be reflecting on the parts of my life where I'm the puppet and cutting some strings. Take care all. I'll be back around September 18th.

Tuesday, September 06, 2005

Blazing A New Path

For awhile now I've been talking less and listening more and there are times I don't like what I hear (and see). I hear grumblings of unfair treatment when I don't see it (this has nothing to do with the recent tragedy along the Gulf Coast) and witness unfair treatment where nothing is done about it.

I see excess and and deficiency, the haves and the have nots, people who work and people who don't and I see abundance and I see scarcity. I used to wonder where I fit into all of this, then I realized, I fit where anyone sees me and all those people don't see me in the same light, and I have come not to care about who they think I am or how they judge me. I just don't really give a damn.

My life dreams are lofty for some and unambitious for others. I'm percieved as lazy by some, a work-a-holic by others. Life is too short to live by the standards other individuals and society holds as sacred for us.

I'll be the best I can be in MY eyes and no one elses. I'll keep a clear conscious, mindful demeanor and a steady hand. I'll rest when I need to and work when required. But the remaining hours in the day are MINE!

Sophia